Slaughter

In a war torn life

We’re all alone

Pain and sorrow

Is all we’ve ever known
So we grabbed a knife

To get it done

They promised us

That it’d be fun
Brother,sister

Mother,father

All of fucking life’s creator

They asked of us to slaughter
Slaughter!

Slaughter!

Slaughter!

Slaughter!
Why is it that we go to war?

Is a peaceful reality really so far?
We were asked to go with non-partial fists

To be devoid and feel nothing like nihilist

To break all our bonds and forget our pain

To wash ourselves in an endless bloodied rain
Brother,sister

Mother,father

All of fucking life’s creator

They asked of us to slaughter
Slaughter!

Slaughter!

Slaughter!

Slaughter!
Why is it that we still go to war?

Is a peaceful reality really so far?

Advertisements

Inner Assassins

This is an article/short story written from the point of view of a sufferer of mental disorders in an attempt to create awareness about depression, insomnia,split personality, paranoia, schizophrenia,bipolar disorder and various other classifications.

“Hello. I’m writing this because I’m unable to organise my thoughts on the go and only because you really want to know what happens inside my head, instead of trying to predict my state of mind. I understand why you want to know, I mean no one is capable of predicting anybody’s state of mind. If it is of any comfort to you, for me to tell you what happens in my head, then I will. How you take it is not in my hands. I’m not too sure how I can explain it, but I will do my best.

On a regular day

I wake up. It’s morning. The first thoughts that usually come to my head are – “I haven’t died yet?/ Why am I still alive?/ Should I leave everything and go?/ Why am I like this?/ I hate myself/ I need to kill myself/ What good am I?/ What good is my existence to anyone?” (I’m going to name this T1). 

And then I get out of my bed exhausted. Even after a good night’s sleep. I need a smoke. Somewhere in the back of my head- “I need death” gets repeated until I put on some music to distract myself. I then get out and remember everything. Everything. All of it. All. Of. It. I’m filled with pain, guilt and remorse. I lose track of music and “T1” repeats again until I finish my smoke. Then I think about my day. I tell myself that I need to be with you through the day and mentally prepare myself for it, thinking to myself that I need to stay focused. Reminding myself that I need to be in control of my thoughts and emotions. T2 – “I love you a lot/You make me happy/You need me/ We are happy/ I really hope we make this work/I need to take care of you”. There’s a huge conflict of thoughts and emotions by this time. Everything inside shuts down and I feel nothing. One hour of my waking day.

I get back. Breakfast is ready. Food. I’m unable to stand the sight of it. Everybody’s rushing to get ready and leave. T3-“Always invisible to them/No one cares/I’m tired/I need sleep”. I’m asked something, I don’t know what it is because I’m unable to pay attention. Answer is an autopilot nod. “T1”. I get out again. Back to smoke. Except with a vehicle this time. A quicker pace towards Death. “T3” and “T1” on loop. I get back. I’m late. Get ready. Autopilot. Eat a bit. Leave.


At work

Nothing. No emotions. No thoughts. Autopilot. Converse. Smile. Fit in. Listen to you whenever we talk. Respond. Smile. Act the fool to see you smile as well. “T1” and “T2” on loop. Inner conflict after awhile. Everything shuts down again. Tired.

End of the day

Talk to you. Listen. Respond. Smile, try making you smile with me. “T1” and “T2”.
Get back to my sacred place. “T1”. “T3”. Loop.
Home-“T1” and “T3”. Look at my guitar, all of my books and my bed.T4-“Why am I not feeling anything?/I’m exhausted/I need help”.

Out to drink

Finally. A release. Happy amongst whoever is there to drink with me. First half hour-“T3” sets in. Next twenty minutes – “T4”. Keep smiling, paying attention,reacting and responding. Next half hour. Another emotional conflict. Everything inside shuts down. I excuse myself. Look at myself in the mirror. “Get back to normal. Fit in. Fit in”. I repeat this to myself in the mirror until I do calm down. I wash my face and look at myself again. “T3” and “T1”. Get out. Autopilot. If I’m with you then it’s “T2” and “T3”. Sometimes “T4” or “T1”. Alone in a crowded room filled with friends and familiar faces.

In an argument

Prove I’m right. Initially “T2”, “T4” and then “T3”. Prove I’m not wrong. All thoughts get mixed up. Muddled up. Messed up. I don’t know what to say. Anger. Disdain. Sorrow. Pain. T2. Respond. T2. Respond. “T4”. No. Focus on “T2”. “T2” and “T1”. No. Focus on “T2”. “T4” and “T3”. Focus. “T2”. Detach. Autopilot. T2,T4,T3,T1 and T0. All of it. Feel it. Lapse again into the ways of misery. Detach.

Back at home

“T1”. Dinner. Sleep.
“T0”- “Make a change, kill yourself/Find a way to detach from everybody/ Death”. T0 on loop till I fall asleep.

“Where are my pills? Where is the white one? Where is the pink one? Whatever happened to the green one? Where are all of you hiding?”

Fleeting shadows. Subliminal whispers. Visual and auditory hallucinations. Fear.

“What’s that sound? Is anybody there?! Come out! Fuck. Where are the tiny angels who keep me sane?”

“I need a refill.”

This is how it is in my head every waking moment. Even when I’m smiling at you or laughing with you I’m still thinking about Death. Suicide. Hate. Misery. Sorrow. Pain. I haven’t been able to describe it exactly as it happens in my head. You wanted to know how it was inside my head and I have tried my best to put them into words. The repetitions for “T1″,”T3” and “T4″ are far higher than what I’ve mentioned. I have never tried explaining how it is inside my head and this is the first time I have. But I will from now on atleast, never tell you I’m messed up. Apparently suffering from various mental health disorders is not an excuse. I will remember that until the day I die. It is sad. The free-er I feel around you, the more I open up to you. The more I trust you. Only to end up feeling like I’ll drag you into this mess. And then, you’ll resent me. Guess I really can’t be without my mask with anyone. I will be as I was with you before you got to know me. That way atleast, you’ll be happy.”

“It’s never too late to listen,

To hidden tears that glisten”

Weather Report

Pretense

Intense

Today’s weather report

The barricades deport

In Celsius a hundred degrees

A predestined summit varies

Much cloudy they say

Unhidden is still the way

A relentless rain pouring

An unhinged mind soaring

A cool bright light, swaying snowfall

Experiences cause not our downfall

Rivers and oceans, a constant tide

A visual intake, our hearts open wide

Pretense

Intense

Today’s weather report

Inner barricades deport

My Story-The Dreamer

​Since most of you following me here from the last couple of weeks are new, here is small story about me and of how “Bright” came to be.

At the age of 18, I started of as a vocalist for a Metalcore band called “Demise of Deceased” in the year 2010. As a band we focused majorly on writing music that described the life and times of soldiers in the army and at war.

Having felt that pure vocals was not my thing, I then proceeded to learn how to play the guitar and eventually started playing for a Heavy metal band called “Black Peter”, followed by “Chaotic Serenity”. “Chaotic Serenity” was a Thrash metal band, whose material was majorly inspired by the work of metal giants like Iron Maiden, Megadeth, Slayer and Pantera. I performed with them till 2012. Towards the end of my time with them, I felt the style of music I was playing wasn’t extreme enough for me and quit the band.

I formed the Black metal band “Anti” with other like-minded musicians keen on writing aggressive material as a vocalist, guitarist and lyricist from the year 2012. The band remains active till date. With “Anti” we’ve had the opportunity of performing as a part of the highly reputed “Bangalore Open Air” metal festival in India in the year 2015. During my time with “Anti”, we released one demo album – “A Dark And Shattered Soul” and one raw full-length album – “Anti-Theist”.

In the year 2013, bored with the one-dimensional approach my writing had turned into due to genre constraints, I ventured into the instrumental music territory with “Bright”, hoping to explore and express the multitude of emotions experienced by a human being through music alone. I made it a point to record and release the guitar based instrumentals myself as my aim was to be unrestricted and have overall control over which direction my songs would take. The solo guitar instrumental work I’ve done in “Bright” has resulted in a lot of great opportunities and new experiences. In the month of May, 2016, after 3 years of composing instrumental tracks,”Bright” was shortlisted as one of the top artists of the country by Hard Rock Cafe, India for their international event “Hard Rock Rising”, in which the top artists of the country in which every Hard Rock Cafe is present are given an opportunity to perform at Hard Rock Cafe with other top notch artists from around the country.

Through the years I have persevered with my life in music relentlessly. I now have enough material for a full-fledged album, tracking and recording of which has commenced. The musical direction i’ll be taking with these tracks will be very new for me and I hope to evolve more as a musician through the process.

Most people ask me why “Bright” is purely instrumental, having stated that in today’s world instrumental music is majorly a non-lucrative dead end street. And my reply to that is –

I write instrumental music because I can connect with people without the use of words making the experience that much more powerful. I believe music transcends language. My goal is to make the listener think – “Hmm, I think and feel like this sometimes too”

For those amongst you who are curious about what I do, follow the links below to check out my attempts at living my dream! Thank you all for your consistent support and encouragement. Cheers! 

Facebook – https://m.facebook.com/insidethewhitelight/

SoundCloud – https://www.soundcloud.com/preetam-sp

Reverbnation – https://www.reverbnation.com/bright7

Instagram – https://www.instagram.com/preetamsp/?hl=en

Twitter – https://www.twitter.com/heavymetalpree

My book ‘Naked Mind’ – http://www.amazon.in/gp/aw/d/B06XHT7BYV/ref=mp_s_a_1_fkmr0_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1501514817&sr=8-1-fkmr0&pi=AC_SX118_SY170_QL70&keywords=naked+mind+preetam+sp

YouTube – https://m.youtube.com/user/666Pree

So far, so good… So what! Cheers! 🙂

Naked Mind

​My first book ‘Naked Mind’ is now available via Amazon Kindle! 🙂
Follow the link to buy the digital version – 

The far more aesthetic paperbacks will be made available in a few months!
Seven years of writing, four years of taking it seriously and trying finish the book, one year of losing all hope and giving up on it only to be led back into writing two years ago by a good friend of mine. The path has been long.
This book is dedicated to a mentor, a close friend and a rock ‘n roll elder brother figure of mine who ceased to be one among the living four years ago. How I wish I could’ve taken the time to notice what he was going through and help him out of his misery instead of being too power-drunk with the local fame I was gaining as a musician at the time. Having noticed that something was amiss all too late, there’s not a single day that goes by where I wish I could turn back time and help him out of his addiction and change things. In one of our final conversations the young man told me that my mind had the potential to change the way people perceived everything around them, said I had a mind capable of changing the world for the better through my music and writing.
This book is also dedicated to my late pup Leo who was taken away from us all too soon in a freak accident. Those harrowing years would have been tough to bear without his presence.
Having finished my first book now, it’s time to start working on my first album as a solo guitarist through Bright. A release for a single has been planned out, following which the shooting for my first official music video will commence. No rest for the living! After all, there once lived a soul who believed that I could change the world. I can rest when I’m dead! Thank you for your time!Have a great day! 🙂
“I have drunk the yearning,

Swallowed the flame in full,

And now I will bend the skies to my will.
Two eternities can never be so far apart,

That I could not bridge them together” – Revelation, Niilo Sevänen

Upon My Shoulders

I dream of ghosts

Long dead and gone

Souls released

Into death forlorn

I hear voices

Whispering of a mystery

Unseen and lifeless

From my life’s unsung history

Spirits of the past bright

Fly above me all the time

Making me write

Sad songs with a melancholic rhyme

They ask me to sway

This way and that

Forget your pain

And embrace Death

A life less lived

Trapped in a cage of guilt

A lifeless one lived

Upon a throne of shame built

Surrender to us

These distant voices say

Be with us in peace

And in silence hold sway

At Long Last…A Way Out

​Dated – Feb 18th 2017
When we experience things and grow up,

And have had our fill from Life’s cup
At long last we are offered a way out,

An infinite one-way road without a doubt
Some of us who are tired choose the way out earlier,

Without giving second chances to make things clearer
And what is the importance of second chances?

I believe it’s a peek into Existence’s smaller nuances
Small things become important as we reach our final destination,

All the things that we worked for, a verdict for our final reputation
In the end some might ask – “Do we even matter?”

“Yes” – Say the one’s who’ve never dared to falter
Living in fear of what our way out might be like,

Only makes our present suffer, skewered on a spike
What fears lay within us all on this quest called Life?

What trials must we go through to cease our inner strife?
And what if existence were to be forever?

Would we still drown ourselves in greedy endeavours?
A way out from this perceptive plane,

Is what some amongst us would call a bane
A way out from this mundane plane,

Is what some would call a non-negotiable gain
As true and sure as the chronicle of Time,

We grew accustomed to ignore our World’s Rhyme
We are scared, curbing our will to live fully,

Instead we dwell deliriously in each other’s folly
A second thought about our ephemeral existence,

Should continue to imbue us with Hope and Persistence
Our curiosity for the After-life results in a rift between us,

Causing conflict tearing the world apart for the children amongst us
Do you ever wonder why we find it so hard,

To enjoy the Song of One from a truthful Bard?
Shouldn’t the truth about our short time here,

Teach us to live as one and together persevere?
At long last, for a moment we seem to have found our way out,

In Death, the only destiny all of us share without a doubt

No words

​I had a weird dream today. So weird. It was just me and another person. We were in some fancy apartment. I don’t know whose because I’ve never seen it before myself. So I was sitting on the sofa and the person was on the balcony. We did not speak a single word with each other. But we just stared into each others eyes without saying a word. We exchanged thoughts and experiences like this for what seemed like an eternity. The persons eyes started to swell up with tears when I exposed my emotions. I could only look and do nothing. Both of us just stared into each others eyes the whole time. No words were ever spoken. 

Am I Pain?

Is the person Death?

Am I painfully ascending?

Or am I painlessly descending?

Am I flying?

Or am I falling?