Whether they be good or bad
Unwillingly driven cold and sad
These thoughts and memories
A misread book of insanities
Same old story, none will ever know
A heart with no summer, only snow
How does it feel to live with a fluctuating mind that’s worse than a chameleon jumping on the vibgyor colors of a rainbow?
What do you see when you look into our eyes?
Do you realize we see all the pain, deception and lies?
Our vacant gaze burns into your mind
Only sorrow and pain in it will you find
I see us all falling and calling
Out to something in essence enthralling
Nihility they say is a lost cause
We always have time to pause
Vacant eyes all around succumbing
Forced into a world unbecoming
We walk together all alone
Seeking our own preserved throne
Rightful heirs apparently entitled to it
Just too blind to see or feel it
Have we fallen so far across time and space
That we plaster a smile across on our blank face?
Like snowfall we softly descend
Vacant minds allowing minds to ascend
What do you see when you look into my eyes?
Do you see what I see? It’s all lies, lies and lies
Hello! My first solo album “Screeching Fingers”, an extended play record(EP), a pre-release to “Luminescent Being”(LP), is out now through the Swedish record label – Amuse. The album is available on all major music portals such as iTunes, Spotify, Dezeer, Google Play Music and more for streaming/downloading.
iTunes – https://itunes.apple.com/us/album/screeching-fingers-ep/1324022933?ign-mpt=uo%3D4
Google Play Music – https://play.google.com/store/music/album/Bright_Screeching_Fingers?id=Bf5g4gmqsyhzvelu7zzejr4p2hu
As the album screening and approval mail from the record label a few days ago states, the album is just a search away on other platforms.
Starting the journey to live the dream hotel hopping singing at 14-15, doing alt-rock vocals at 16-17, metalcore vocals at 18, heavy metal rhythm guitars at 19, thrash metal lead/rhythm guitars at 20(my first exposure to media coverage), a frontman doing vocals, rhythm/lead guitars and writing lyrics for my black metal band at 21(Wherein we as a band experienced killer times from releasing our demo record and our full length album in 2013-14 to performing on Day 2 as a part of Asia’s loudest metal festival, the Bangalore Open Air in 2015) and then finally venturing out on my own as a solo musician under the name “Bright” and getting shortlisted as one of the top upcoming artists of the country by Hard Rock Cafe last year at 24. About time I reaped something from it! From being a double chinned chubby kid to a raging guitarist at 25, 11 years of blood, sweat, tears and an almost irrational stubbornness, bordering on insanity, towards a childhood dream of being a legit musician. As Chuck Schuldiner from Death, an all time favorite band of mine, once put it -“When dreams are followed, time is a test”. Cheers!
Release my solo album through an international record label – Check!
In a war torn life
We’re all alone
Pain and sorrow
Is all we’ve ever known
So we grabbed a knife
To get it done
They promised us
That it’d be fun
Brother,sister
Mother,father
All of fucking life’s creator
They asked of us to slaughter
Slaughter!
Slaughter!
Slaughter!
Slaughter!
Why is it that we go to war?
Is a peaceful reality really so far?
We were asked to go with non-partial fists
To be devoid and feel nothing like nihilist
To break all our bonds and forget our pain
To wash ourselves in an endless bloodied rain
Brother,sister
Mother,father
All of fucking life’s creator
They asked of us to slaughter
Slaughter!
Slaughter!
Slaughter!
Slaughter!
Why is it that we still go to war?
Is a peaceful reality really so far?
My latest digital artwork.
This is an article/short story written from the point of view of a sufferer of mental disorders in an attempt to create awareness about depression, insomnia,split personality, paranoia, schizophrenia,bipolar disorder and various other classifications.
“Hello. I’m writing this because I’m unable to organise my thoughts on the go and only because you really want to know what happens inside my head, instead of trying to predict my state of mind. I understand why you want to know, I mean no one is capable of predicting anybody’s state of mind. If it is of any comfort to you, for me to tell you what happens in my head, then I will. How you take it is not in my hands. I’m not too sure how I can explain it, but I will do my best.
On a regular day
I wake up. It’s morning. The first thoughts that usually come to my head are – “I haven’t died yet?/ Why am I still alive?/ Should I leave everything and go?/ Why am I like this?/ I hate myself/ I need to kill myself/ What good am I?/ What good is my existence to anyone?” (I’m going to name this T1).
And then I get out of my bed exhausted. Even after a good night’s sleep. I need a smoke. Somewhere in the back of my head- “I need death” gets repeated until I put on some music to distract myself. I then get out and remember everything. Everything. All of it. All. Of. It. I’m filled with pain, guilt and remorse. I lose track of music and “T1” repeats again until I finish my smoke. Then I think about my day. I tell myself that I need to be with you through the day and mentally prepare myself for it, thinking to myself that I need to stay focused. Reminding myself that I need to be in control of my thoughts and emotions. T2 – “I love you a lot/You make me happy/You need me/ We are happy/ I really hope we make this work/I need to take care of you”. There’s a huge conflict of thoughts and emotions by this time. Everything inside shuts down and I feel nothing. One hour of my waking day.
I get back. Breakfast is ready. Food. I’m unable to stand the sight of it. Everybody’s rushing to get ready and leave. T3-“Always invisible to them/No one cares/I’m tired/I need sleep”. I’m asked something, I don’t know what it is because I’m unable to pay attention. Answer is an autopilot nod. “T1”. I get out again. Back to smoke. Except with a vehicle this time. A quicker pace towards Death. “T3” and “T1” on loop. I get back. I’m late. Get ready. Autopilot. Eat a bit. Leave.
At work
Nothing. No emotions. No thoughts. Autopilot. Converse. Smile. Fit in. Listen to you whenever we talk. Respond. Smile. Act the fool to see you smile as well. “T1” and “T2” on loop. Inner conflict after awhile. Everything shuts down again. Tired.
End of the day
Talk to you. Listen. Respond. Smile, try making you smile with me. “T1” and “T2”.
Get back to my sacred place. “T1”. “T3”. Loop.
Home-“T1” and “T3”. Look at my guitar, all of my books and my bed.T4-“Why am I not feeling anything?/I’m exhausted/I need help”.
Out to drink
Finally. A release. Happy amongst whoever is there to drink with me. First half hour-“T3” sets in. Next twenty minutes – “T4”. Keep smiling, paying attention,reacting and responding. Next half hour. Another emotional conflict. Everything inside shuts down. I excuse myself. Look at myself in the mirror. “Get back to normal. Fit in. Fit in”. I repeat this to myself in the mirror until I do calm down. I wash my face and look at myself again. “T3” and “T1”. Get out. Autopilot. If I’m with you then it’s “T2” and “T3”. Sometimes “T4” or “T1”. Alone in a crowded room filled with friends and familiar faces.
In an argument
Prove I’m right. Initially “T2”, “T4” and then “T3”. Prove I’m not wrong. All thoughts get mixed up. Muddled up. Messed up. I don’t know what to say. Anger. Disdain. Sorrow. Pain. T2. Respond. T2. Respond. “T4”. No. Focus on “T2”. “T2” and “T1”. No. Focus on “T2”. “T4” and “T3”. Focus. “T2”. Detach. Autopilot. T2,T4,T3,T1 and T0. All of it. Feel it. Lapse again into the ways of misery. Detach.
Back at home
“T1”. Dinner. Sleep.
“T0”- “Make a change, kill yourself/Find a way to detach from everybody/ Death”. T0 on loop till I fall asleep.
“Where are my pills? Where is the white one? Where is the pink one? Whatever happened to the green one? Where are all of you hiding?”
Fleeting shadows. Subliminal whispers. Visual and auditory hallucinations. Fear.
“What’s that sound? Is anybody there?! Come out! Fuck. Where are the tiny angels who keep me sane?”
“I need a refill.”
This is how it is in my head every waking moment. Even when I’m smiling at you or laughing with you I’m still thinking about Death. Suicide. Hate. Misery. Sorrow. Pain. I haven’t been able to describe it exactly as it happens in my head. You wanted to know how it was inside my head and I have tried my best to put them into words. The repetitions for “T1″,”T3” and “T4″ are far higher than what I’ve mentioned. I have never tried explaining how it is inside my head and this is the first time I have. But I will from now on atleast, never tell you I’m messed up. Apparently suffering from various mental health disorders is not an excuse. I will remember that until the day I die. It is sad. The free-er I feel around you, the more I open up to you. The more I trust you. Only to end up feeling like I’ll drag you into this mess. And then, you’ll resent me. Guess I really can’t be without my mask with anyone. I will be as I was with you before you got to know me. That way atleast, you’ll be happy.”
“It’s never too late to listen,
To hidden tears that glisten”
Pretense
Intense
Today’s weather report
The barricades deport
In Celsius a hundred degrees
A predestined summit varies
Much cloudy they say
Unhidden is still the way
A relentless rain pouring
An unhinged mind soaring
A cool bright light, swaying snowfall
Experiences cause not our downfall
Rivers and oceans, a constant tide
A visual intake, our hearts open wide
Pretense
Intense
Today’s weather report
Inner barricades deport
A video of me playing random stuff on my guitar from about four years ago. Looking back , I keep wondering why I even went and got a haircut!
Since most of you following me here from the last couple of weeks are new, here is small story about me and of how “Bright” came to be.
At the age of 18, I started of as a vocalist for a Metalcore band called “Demise of Deceased” in the year 2010. As a band we focused majorly on writing music that described the life and times of soldiers in the army and at war.
Having felt that pure vocals was not my thing, I then proceeded to learn how to play the guitar and eventually started playing for a Heavy metal band called “Black Peter”, followed by “Chaotic Serenity”. “Chaotic Serenity” was a Thrash metal band, whose material was majorly inspired by the work of metal giants like Iron Maiden, Megadeth, Slayer and Pantera. I performed with them till 2012. Towards the end of my time with them, I felt the style of music I was playing wasn’t extreme enough for me and quit the band.
I formed the Black metal band “Anti” with other like-minded musicians keen on writing aggressive material as a vocalist, guitarist and lyricist from the year 2012. The band remains active till date. With “Anti” we’ve had the opportunity of performing as a part of the highly reputed “Bangalore Open Air” metal festival in India in the year 2015. During my time with “Anti”, we released one demo album – “A Dark And Shattered Soul” and one raw full-length album – “Anti-Theist”.
In the year 2013, bored with the one-dimensional approach my writing had turned into due to genre constraints, I ventured into the instrumental music territory with “Bright”, hoping to explore and express the multitude of emotions experienced by a human being through music alone. I made it a point to record and release the guitar based instrumentals myself as my aim was to be unrestricted and have overall control over which direction my songs would take. The solo guitar instrumental work I’ve done in “Bright” has resulted in a lot of great opportunities and new experiences. In the month of May, 2016, after 3 years of composing instrumental tracks,”Bright” was shortlisted as one of the top artists of the country by Hard Rock Cafe, India for their international event “Hard Rock Rising”, in which the top artists of the country in which every Hard Rock Cafe is present are given an opportunity to perform at Hard Rock Cafe with other top notch artists from around the country.
Through the years I have persevered with my life in music relentlessly. I now have enough material for a full-fledged album, tracking and recording of which has commenced. The musical direction i’ll be taking with these tracks will be very new for me and I hope to evolve more as a musician through the process.
Most people ask me why “Bright” is purely instrumental, having stated that in today’s world instrumental music is majorly a non-lucrative dead end street. And my reply to that is –
I write instrumental music because I can connect with people without the use of words making the experience that much more powerful. I believe music transcends language. My goal is to make the listener think – “Hmm, I think and feel like this sometimes too”
For those amongst you who are curious about what I do, follow the links below to check out my attempts at living my dream! Thank you all for your consistent support and encouragement. Cheers!
Facebook – https://m.facebook.com/insidethewhitelight/
SoundCloud – https://www.soundcloud.com/preetam-sp
Reverbnation – https://www.reverbnation.com/bright7
Instagram – https://www.instagram.com/preetamsp/?hl=en
Twitter – https://www.twitter.com/heavymetalpree
My book ‘Naked Mind’ – http://www.amazon.in/gp/aw/d/B06XHT7BYV/ref=mp_s_a_1_fkmr0_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1501514817&sr=8-1-fkmr0&pi=AC_SX118_SY170_QL70&keywords=naked+mind+preetam+sp
YouTube – https://m.youtube.com/user/666Pree
So far, so good… So what! Cheers! 🙂
